is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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