How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
