A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
