I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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