i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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