I looked at my own cervix.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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