I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
someone owes me an orgasm
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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