Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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