I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
