I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
