Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
