i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i came on her dog
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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