I just pynch a tree in the face
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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