Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
