i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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