You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
