And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
