Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
