Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize