No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
