She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
