HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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