just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
