The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
