Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
