I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
