running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize