So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
