I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is Oprah even human
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
