so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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