I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
