David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
