I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
