Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
