I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i came on her dog
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize