Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
