i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
