His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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