And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize