i jhust puked up my retainher.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
