i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
