Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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