you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have aggressive nipples.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
