Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize