sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
