Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
