How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
