We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
