Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
