I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the gays at disneyland are vicious
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
