I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
