but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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