my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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