is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize