This girl is more easily done than said...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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