Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
