This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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