just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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