You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
