I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
