Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
