so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Someone shit on the floor
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
