it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
time to smoke my breakfast
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
