it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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