Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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