im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize