whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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