last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
