I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
