he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
