I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
