Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
