okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
