This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
