my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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