come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
