if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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