Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
