It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
