Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
