I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
