By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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