Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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