haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize