I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
