I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
