dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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