"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
