it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
