she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
