Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
