shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize