When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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