Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
