Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
