ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
