Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
