My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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