Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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