True but thats because hes a fetus.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
