its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you inspire me to be a worse person
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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