My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
