btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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