dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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