I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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