She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
