he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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