Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
